I’ve been trying to think about the best way to go about this, but today my hand was forced on the issue. Let me say, first off, that I never intended to offend, hurt, or isolate anyone by keeping this information to myself. Those closest to me should already know that but I still feel like I have to say it.
The Boyfriend is no longer my boyfriend. Simple as that. Ok, not quite that simple. It’s just that I don’t feel like I should have to go into the “why’s” or the “how’s”. I have alluded to our break-up on Facebook – many saw through it, recognized the change in relationship status but kept their distance and did not get into the details with me. I am assuming they felt that I would talk about it when I was ready.
When is one ever ready to discuss a break-up? It is pure heartbreak. It is soul crushing. It is a blow you think you’ll never recover from, but sometimes in those rare moments of clarity you feel hope that you will, in fact, one day be okay. Those moments of clarity have kept me going the last couple of months. I almost let myself get to the point of letting my emotions swallow me whole. I almost ended up in the same exact emotional state I was in nearly 4 years ago when my marriage ended.
I have dealt with this in a way that was best for me. I am sorry that I did not confide in those who thought I should have. It is not because you do not matter. It is not because I don’t love you. It is not because I was trying to keep anything from you.
I was trying to heal. I needed to do it in my own way.
What I did not need was anyone telling me their feelings about The
Boyfriend Ex-Boyfriend. I understand that it is human nature to take sides when a relationship ends. You might think that sharing negative feelings about the relationship and break-up would make me feel better, but I can assure you it would not. Why? Because the wound was still too fresh. How would that be healthy for me?
It takes two people to destroy a relationship. I can assure you I am not without fault.
I need support. There is a part of me that will always love him and I do not need the good parts of our relationship tainted by the unkind words of those who feel they are coming to my defense. This blog, which I never wanted to write, because I did not think I should have to, has done what I knew it would. It is like throwing salt into the wound. My attempts at healing have been thwarted by the need to talk about it more than I ever wanted to.
Apparently, subtly making the transition from being in a relationship to that of a single woman on Facebook, was offensive. The ending of a relationship is not like that of one getting married or having a baby where there the information is dispersed like a hierarchy, where one person gets to know before another. I’m sorry if that offends, but as I now have to explain I also get to say how I feel.
Let me be clear on something…. I love my family. You are the most important people in my entire universe. My friends are a pretty close second. I love you dearly. You all are my rock to lean on and my shoulders to cry on. Do not ever doubt my love for you. Especially in a situation like this when I need you all the most.
Relationships end. The world keeps turning. I will still be standing, but only if I have people there to support me when I need them, not when they think I should. Please don’t keep your distance. You know who you are.